or Why There Won't be a Reunion in 2004
Every Who
Down in Richmond
Liked the Reunion a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Richmond,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated the Reunion! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't altered quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he just was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his Johnson was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His wallet or thang,
He hated each Christmas, when the good music rang.
Staring down from Culpepper with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the GHB fans below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Richmond would chuckle
As they wait for the Reunion, with their mistletoe belt buckle.

"They're waiting for Telstar!" he snarled with a sneer.
"And Stairway to Gilligan! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I'm better than Eggs, I must keep them from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. All jumping for joy!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Richmond, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, Good Humor Band ringing.
They'd stand beer in hand. And the Whos would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd drink!
AND they'd DRINK! SING! DRINK! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of the Reunion sing
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
It feels that long anyway, I must stop it!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Dirt Woman hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy plan!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look less like a man!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called Manny Green. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

THEN
He loaded some bags
All dime ones, he's cheap.
On a ramshackle sleigh
That looked more like a Jeep.

Then the Grinch said, "Giddyap!"
And the Jeep started down
Toward the homes where the Whos
Lay passed out in their town.

Then he slithered and slunk, throughout the whole town,
He took every present, he drank their beers down!
Guitars! And saxophones! Keyboards! Drums!
Harmonicas! Amps! Pianos! All gone!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' beers!
He took the Budwieser! He took PBRs!
He cleaned out their iceboxes as quick as a flash.
With no beer to be had, there'd be no Reunion bash!

He drank it all up, then he staggered and fell,
"And NOW!" slurred the Grinch, "They can all go to hell."

The Reunion was cancelled, we're sorry to say,
But the Grinch is in detox and so, by the way,
We're hoping that next year the band will unite,
So this Christmas in Richmond it will be...
A silent night.

[deepest apologies to Dr. Seuss, R.I.P.]